photo via Visualhunt

photo via Visualhunt

 

 

 

A perfect spot for communication

 

 

One of the most engaging writers I know happens to belong to my writers group. Jack’s communication skills are extraordinary; his subtle voice resonates wisdom and joy from the page, and his writing almost always makes me laugh. When I am not laughing, it’s because I am busy wiping a tear as I read of his heartfelt empathy for others.

My friend Jack recently submitted a story that blew me away and made me see how clearly he understands the intricacies of creating a happy marriage. In this piece, Love and Marriage, he  provides “a bit of advice” to a young man considering marriage. Jack’s advice offers tips for dealing with differences and the role of commitment and communication in a relationship.

Since communication is the theme I had planned for this post, I asked Jack for permission to quote him. Naturally he said, yes—what writer doesn’t like to be quoted!

Jack defined communication as the major key to a successful marriage. When problems and misunderstandings come along, many people start doing their particular dance—a dance that most likely has been passed down through the generations. He also notes that the more important the issue, the more convoluted the dance. Instead of dealing with the problem early on, some people sulk, manipulate, go into denial or employ other defensive methods.

Do you (or your mate) keep score? Jack says many do!

Next Jack provided ideas that are important for every couple—young or old, just beginning a relationship or long married and retired. Some of his invaluable points are:

  • Most communication failures are shared 50/50, regardless of who is the villain or victim.
  • Good communication requires both parties to deal in the present.
  • To be able to deal in the present, both people have to feel secure, adequate and in control.
  • Deal with the way things or people are, not the way you think they should be.
  • Listen!—It’s the most important part of communication.

Finally, Jack notes that if any of these things were easy, they would not be on the list!

I could not have said it better myself.  Perhaps I’ll get him to write my next book.

Thank you Jack for your great advice. Your wife must rejoice in your wisdom.

Have you any thoughts to share with Jack? Tell us your ideas in the comment section below, and I’ll be sure to pass them along to him. He’s always eager to learn so I know he will enjoy your comments. Perhaps that’s why he is so wise!

For more of Jack’s wisdom visit his blog site. 

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