Two weeks ago I reviewed the book, Shmirshky: the pursuit of hormone happiness because it hit me that many women’s emotions surrounding a husband’s retirement are similar to those in menopause. Today I thought it would be fun to give you a chance to meet the author and compare the two stages of life.
Q. Who is Shmirshky, and how did she come to be?
“Shmirshky” is what I call my vagina. It also means woman. So I both have, and am, a shmirshky! The shmirshky concept began when I hit perimenopause––the beginning of hormonal change in women. My memory started disintegrating, my emotions were uncontrollable and I couldn’t sleep. After three scary years of struggling, I began journaling. It was a way to escape from loneliness and confusion, and I hoped that journal could be a guide to perimenopause and menopause (I call it PM&M for short!) for my daughter when she got older. After talking with other shmirshkies, I realized that my book was something I wanted to share with the world so that no one else would have to suffer in silence.
Q. What do you feel is the most important message you and your book share with women of all ages? Perimenopause arrives when you are YOUNG and active! Symptoms can start creeping up in your late 30s or mid-40s and can last 6–10 years. Every woman should familarize herself with the 34 symptoms common in PM&M, just as every wife should familarize herself and prepare for potential changes in a relationship in retirment marriage. We need to bust open the conversation, break the taboo, and stop hiding our shmirshkies under a bush!
Q. You recently celebrated World Menopause Day by appearing on the Good Day New York show and filmed a segment about menopause for WCBS 2 New York. What has caused the sudden awareness of menopause and how will women benefit from the attention to this subject?
As seen in many women’s issues—achieving the right to vote, increasing awareness about breast cancer—women have educated themselves and are taking charge by speaking up and demanding happiness. We’ve got to encourage them to keep doing it!
Discussion about menopause––and adjustments to a retirement marriage––have been stigmatized for too long. It’s up to our generation to empower the next generation with preparedness.
Q. What is a Shmirshky party and how does one participate?
Talking with others who have gone through perimenopause and menopause––or adjusting to a retirement marriage––is incredibly important. There are all kinds of ways to get support. Take your morning exercise crew, book club, birthday lunch bunch, cooking club, carpool group, investment club, or cocktail circle and turn it into a support group just by sharing your current experiences and feelings with one another.
If you aren’t in any club or group, start your own. Invite the gals over for cocktails, coffee, or tea and let the conversation begin. Use the Shmirshky party questions or create your own if you’re planning a “wives with retired husbands” party. Print them out, cut them up and throw them “inside the box.” This will definitely get your party started.
Q. In your book, your TV and radio presentations and workshops you talk about some ailments related to this stage in life and point out that menopause is a lot more than hot flashes and rupturing tempers. What are some of them and how are they diagnosed?
As with any health issue––and this could apply to the possible stress issues of retirment––it’s important to keep track of symptoms. Charting your symptoms helps you keep track of what’s going on and it’s a great reference for you and your doctor––or you and your husband––when working to make things better. Some of the more common PM&M symptoms incude:
- Sleepless nights
- Memory loss
- Emotional highs and lows
- Weight gain
- Decreased libido
- Increased chin whiskers
I can’t speak to being a wife of a retired husband, but I suspect (excluding the chin whiskers) many symptoms could be similiar. Whatever your stage in life, I think the important message is: Reaching out is IN. Suffering in silence is OUT!
Wives with Retired Husbands––We got through menopause, didn’t we? I think this shows we can get through the necessary adjustments––and eventually enjoy––retirement. Remember…Reaching out is IN. Suffering in silence is OUT. Share your questions and your comments about retirement below.
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Find the full story of Shmirshky at http://www.shmirshky.com
